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Grief Recovery Resources
Grief Recovery Resources • Communication with Transplant Recipients
Honoring a Loved OneFeatured Donor Stories

Eversight Illinois has assembled the following list of external resources as a service to its donor families. These resources are neither the property nor the responsibility of Eversight Illinois.

Internet Resources Related to Bereavement
The Internet has a wealth of information on grief support. Below is a list of a few sites that may help you as you journey through recovery.

www.griefandloss.org
The American Association of Retired Person's collection of grief recovery resources, information, and community based support services for individuals and their families.

www.donorfamily.org
The National Kidney Foundation's support and information site for donor family members.

www.rainbows.org
Offers help in establishing a support group and provides information on existing peer support groups for grieving children and adults.

www.widownet.org
An information and self-help resources created for, and by, widows and widowers.

www.parentswithoutpartners.org
A resource for single parents and their children.

www.compassionbooks.com
Over 400 resources to help children and adults through serious illness, death, loss, grief and bereavement.

www.griefresourcescatalog.com
A resource center dedicated to providing grief support products for those who may be grieving over the loss of a loved one.

www.compassionatefriends.com
An organization whose mission is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.

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Literature Related to Loss and Coping
For those who find comfort in the written word, we have included a brief selection of
books available on grief and recovery.

  1. Good Grief: A Constructive Approach to the Problem of Loss by Granger E. Westberg
  2. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
  3. I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One by Brook Noel, Pamela D. Blair
  4. When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner
  5. I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Can Cope and Heal by Linda Sones Feinberg
  6. Companion Through the Darkness: Inner Dialogues on Grief by Stephanie Ericsson
  7. Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make It Meaningful by Ashley Davis Prend
  8. For Women Who Grieve: Embracing Life After the Death of Your Partner by Tangea Tansley
  9. Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities for Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies
    by Janis Silverman
  10. Sad Isn't Bad: A Good-Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss
    by Michaelene Mundy, R.W. Alley
  11. 35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child by the Dougy Center Dougy Center Staff (Editor), the Dougy Center for Grieving Child
  12. Remembering With Love: Messages of Hope for the First Year of Grieving and Beyond by Elizabeth Levang, Sherokee Ilse
  13. When the Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter by Judith Bernstein
  14. The Worst Loss. How Families Heal from the Death of a Child by Barbara D. Rosof
  15. Recovering From the Loss of a Sibling by Katherine Fair Donnelly, Madeline Toomey Pflaumbaum
  16. A Time to Grieve: Meditations for Healing After the Death of a Loved One by Carol Staudacher
  17.  Lead Me Home: An African American's Guide Through the Grief Journey by Carleen Brice.
  18. I Remember You: A Grief Journal by Laynee Gilbert
  19. Widower: When Men are Left Alone by Scott Campbell and Phyllis Silverman

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Collection of Inspirations and Thoughts for Comfort

The Legacy
by John Wayne Schlatter

When I die, give what is left to my children.
If you need to cry, cry for your brothers walking beside you.
Put your arms around anyone and give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you with something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I have known and loved. 
And if you cannot live without me,  then let me live on in your eyes, your mind and your
acts of kindness.
You can love me most by letting hands touch hands and letting go of children that need to be free.
Love does not die, people do. So that when all that is left of me is love...
Give me away...

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Giving
by Helen Keller

The best thing to give your enemy is forgiveness;
An opponent, tolerance;
A friend, your heart;
Your child, a good example;
Yourself, respect;
All men, charity;
Keep your face in the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows.

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We Remember Them
From Gates of Repentance, The New Union Prayer Book for the Days of Awe, C.C.A.R.

In the rising of the sun, And in its going down, We remember them.
In the blowing of the wind, And in the chill of winter, We remember  them.
In the opening of the buds, And in the rebirth of spring, We remember them.
In the rustling of the leaves, And in the beauty of autumn, We remember them.
In the beginning of the year, And when it ends, We remember them.
When we are weary, And in need of strength, We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart, We remember them.
When we have joys we yearn to share, We remember them.
So long as we live, They too shall live, For they are now a part of us, As we remember them.

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Lamps on the Path
by Amy Hillyard Jensen

  • Accept the grief. Roll with the tides of it. Do not try to be brave. Take time to cry.
  • Talk about your loss. Share your grief within the family. Do not try to protect them by silence. Also find a friend to talk to. Talk often. If the friend tells you to "snap out of it," find another friend.
  • Deal with guilt, real or imagined. You did the best you could at the time. If you made mistakes, accept the fact that you, like everyone else, are not perfect. Only hindsight is 20-20. If you continue to blame yourself, consider professional or religious counseling. If you believe in God, a pastor can help you believe also in God's forgiveness.
  • Keep busy. Do work that has a purpose. Use your mind.
  • Eat well. Grief stresses the body. You need good nourishment now more than ever, so get back to a good diet soon. Vitamin and mineral supplements may help.
  • Exercise regularly. Exercise lightens the load through biochemical changes. It also helps you to sleep better. Return to an old program or start a new one. An hour-long walk everyday is ideal for many people.
  • Nurture yourself. Each day try to so something good for yourself. Think of what you might do for someone else if they were in your shoes and then do that favor for yourself.
  • Join a group of others who are sorrowing. Your old circle of friends may change. Even if it does not, you will need new friends who have been through your experience.
  • Associate with old friends also. Some will be uneasy, but they will get over it. If and when you can, talk and act naturally, without avoiding the subject of your loss.
  • Postpone major decisions. Wait before deciding whether or not to sell your house or to change jobs.
  • Record your thoughts in a journal. Writing helps you get your feelings out. It also shows your progress.
  • Turn Grief into creative energy. Find a way to help others-sharing someone else's load will lighten your own. Write something as a tribute to your loved one.
  • Take advantage of a religious affiliation. If you have been inactive, this might be the time to become involved again. For some people, grief opens the door to faith. After a time, you might not be as mad at God as you once were.
  • Get professional help if needed. Do not allow crippling grief to continue. There comes a time to stop crying and live again. Sometimes just a few sessions with a trained counselor will help a lot.

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An excerpt from a booklet entitled Healing Grief, third edition
by Amy Hillyard Jensen

No matter how deep your sorrow, you are not alone. Others have been there and will help share your load if you will let them.

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Bill of Rights for the Bereaved
Taken from the book How Can I Help? Reaching out to Someone Who is Grieving
by June Cerza Kolf

  • Do not make me do anything I do not wish to do.
  • Let me cry.
  • Allow me to talk about the deceased.
  • Do not force me to make quick decisions.
  • Let me act strangely sometimes.
  • Let me see that you are grieving, too.
  • When I am angry, do not discount it.
  • Do not speak to me in platitudes.
  • Listen to me, please!
  • Forgive me my trespasses, my rudeness and my thoughtlessness.

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